shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
