no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
