We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
