so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
