Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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