I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
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I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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