New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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