If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Green mimosas i think yes
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
