man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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