i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
