i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
