He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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