just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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