1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
