I wish my penis had an off switch
so that wasnt chicken after all
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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