If that was your dad, he is hot
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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