i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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