Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
