I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We don't watch enough power rangers
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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