i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
