just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My vagina is very pro this idea
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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