this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
