Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
