Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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