I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
