We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
