i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
