I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were destined to go to rehab together
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
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