How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
