you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
