just survived the first fart of the relationship.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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