Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
