Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
