I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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