can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
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