Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hippo gnu deer
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
