Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
