I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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