Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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