we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize