I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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