u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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