i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
