We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
