you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
