I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
