quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
