At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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