Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
