We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize