he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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