So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Randomize
