Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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