it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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