oh god the rape fog is back!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
