i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
