a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We have started to decorate penises.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
