I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The ass gains better be worth it
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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