i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
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He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
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How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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