wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
