Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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