I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
