When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
