I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
